Trust and betrayal: overcoming pain

Trust and betrayal: overcoming pain

Trust is one of the most important values ​​for human beings., and betrayal is one of the acts that most disgusts us. Now ... Why is that so? If you want to find out, read on ...


  • 1 The importance of trust and why treason is so painful
  • 2 How to overcome a betrayal and trust again
  • 3 Should we always forgive?

The importance of trust and why treason is so painful

Human beings are sociable and gregarious animals, that we live in communities and that we have evolved to share our life with others. This is something that, increasingly, is being lost, to the point that in our societies these ties have been greatly weakened.

However, the truth is that, in the past, when we lived in tribes (even before, when we were more animals than humans), these ties were fundamental for the tribe (and its individuals) to survive.

Logically, when one of the members of the tribe betrayed the trust of others, not only was some money lost or an affair ended. The betrayal of a tribe member could mean the physical disappearance of the entire tribe.

Therefore, we have evolved so that the bonds of trust are maximum and the treason is absolutely despised.

It is true that, today, betrayal may not have such profound effects as the disappearance of an entire tribe. However, even if betrayal only means discovering that they have spoken badly behind our backs (even without that having relevant consequences), It seems to us a delightful act.

How to overcome a betrayal and trust again

Keep in mind that overcoming a betrayal is not easy, and, in general, a period of grief is needed. In addition, the difficulty of overcoming the period of mourning will depend on how strong the relationship with the person who has betrayed you was.

However, beyond that, the keys to overcome a betrayal are the following:

  1. Analyze why the betrayal happened: The first thing you should do is analyze why the betrayal occurred. It is normal that, at first, you are shocked and do not understand what treason has come to. However, after a cold analysis (you can talk to other people to do it), you can realize that you also have your share of guilt.
  2. Not be hard on you same: However, even if anger and sadness invade you, and even if you think you also caused the breakup, you shouldn't be especially hard on yourself. Accept what has happened and don't be afraid to have some emotional instability.
  3. Do not hold a grudge: It is natural to want revenge on who has hurt us. However, this is a way of thinking that does not allow people who have it to move forward. The best, however, is not to hold a grudge.
  4. Accept the situation: Just as resentment won't help you at all, neither will frustration or anger help you. Therefore, the best thing you can do is accept the situation you are in and try to start building from there.
  5. Take your time: The above points may be very difficult for you. It's normal, nothing happens. What you have to do is take your time to carry them out. After all, the human spirit needs to overcome a series of stages before returning to peace.
  6. To be honest: Logically, it is essential that you connect with yourself and the other person and treat the subject with sincerity. You cannot try to overcome an infidelity if you do not admit that you were not treating the other person as well as he deserved, and that caused the infidelity, for example.
  7. Forgive: Finally, forgiving the person who has betrayed you is fundamental. As you well know, forgiving is something that makes you feel good (when you forgive your heart, of course). Of course, forgiving does not mean that you have to put that person back into your life.

Should we always forgive?

No, not always. Nevertheless, there are some circumstances in which it is necessary to do so. They are the following:

  1. The person who has betrayed you recognizes the damage caused and asks for forgiveness, with the intention of not doing it again.
  2. His performance was irrational and later he regretted acting that way.
  3. It is an isolated behavior, which is not usually carried out and that is not especially important.

As you can see, trust is vital in human relationships, and betraying it can be very painful both for those who suffer betrayal and for those who carry it out. And, as Nietzsche said, the worst thing about betrayal is not betrayal, but the impossibility of being able to trust that person again.